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Friends or Foe. Nah!

 Hai, it's me and I'm back.


Again, I feel this kind of insecure feeling. To be honest, my life has gone through ups and downs all these years. Things started to hit somewhere in 2021 if I'm not mistaken (my memory has become bad from all those bad memories). Starting from the rumours that disrupt my life in 2011, it happened again now. To be honest, it continue again in 2023. 

I know for sure this time our friendship will fall apart. I cried endlessly again for this. I have no one for me to share with unlike last time with the one I cared so much like a father but things has change and now that person was no longer with me and I can't share this problem or feeling with no one.

I can only look at his picture while telling him what happen to my life now and I'm about to lose my dearly friend. I love how the fact that once I feel comfortable with that person, I start to feel happy with the friendship. Eventually, someone around you will feel jealous or uneasy due to the bond that made you feel so happy and be yourself. Again, I find that it is a faulty part in myself and I have endlessly reminded myself not to do that but then again, I came back to being myself, cheerful happy kid. I'm not a kid anymore that I can do things without being criticize by people, I tend to forget that.

Things have fated to become like that because it was no one fault but me. I'm okay, no worries, as I bet there's eternal happiness for me in the after life. 

I don't believe in cruelty in life but it's part of the lesson that will be part of the life that you will never forget. That's how you become matured in life and learn the lesson in life. Trust no one but yourself. Love no one but yourself and your parents. Friends exist but they are just the external part of your life that can be change any time. No matter if the external part has been broken or broke almost all the core part of the body, you will still need it as part of your life. It will make your life become colourful. That's how you enjoy your life here in this world. Just a temporary place for you to see how you clown yourself and see people clown themselves. 

Double edge sword exist, just that you need to know how to save your life from being cut till death. Once you got injured by it, quickly heal yourself, no matter what. Take this as part of the game in life before you reach the 'boss'.

Thank you for those who have given me lesson in my life and I'm thankful of those who wanted to be friend with me despite my weirdness in life.

I'm continuing with my life as it is. Despite things that happened, I hope things will become better for myself.

Get your head in the game. Remind this to yourself. Stay alert. 


And be happy.


👶


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